What do happy couples do on a daily/weekly basis? We all want to know what makes a healthy relationship. Normally we talk about the big ideas like respect and good communication, but but how do these big ideas translate into everyday good habits?

Let’s talk about it.

1- Happy Couples Seek to Win Together

Happy couples don’t care about being right. They care about each other. They seek to find a way to meet both partner’s needs.

Happy couples know that conflict is inevitable and have a good habit of arguing with the purpose of winning together.

What this good habit looks like:

• Telling each other what you actually want (asking for affection or their full attention, speaking up when your feelings are hurt)
• Saying sorry
• Forgiving quickly
• Not withholding warmth during conflict
• Holding space for each other’s emotions
• Listening instead of thinking of what you are going to say
• Coming up with ways both of your needs can be met
• Not giving up until to find a compromise

Learn more about healthy communication skills and managing conflict with a purpose in my post, 10 Ways to Have Good Communication in Your Relationships!

2- Happy Couples Encourage Each Other’s Growth and Individuality

Happy couples recognize their partner as a unique individual with inherent needs to belong and become. They cultivate healthy relationships by supporting their partner’s growth and letting them be their own person.

What this good habit looks like:

• Not guilting each other for spending time alone or with others
• Keeping up on other important relationships with family or friends
• Encouraging and supporting each other’s careers, hobbies and passions
• Sharing and listening to how each other’s day went
• Sharing their goals and values with each other

If you feel like you are struggling to maintain your individuality in your relationship, learn how to find yourself again in your relationship in my post, How to Find Yourself Again in a Relationship (the 5 Do’s and Don’t’s)

3- Happy Couples Show Each Other Gratitude and Admiration

Couples who feel gratitude and admiration toward each other savor their time together and have more passion in their relationship. They know that friendship is fundamental to healthy relationships.

What this good habit looks like:

• Saying good morning and goodnight
• Greeting each other and saying goodbye with hugs, kisses, or “I love you”
• Having couple traditions/rituals like taking your dog on a walk, watching the sunset, watching your favorite TV show before bed, or making and eating dinner together
• Complimenting each other
• Saying thank you
• Showing affection
• Flirting

These simple every day habits keep couples in love, inspired, and happy!

Read my post, 7 Steps to Reignite the Spark in a Relationship for tips on creating more passion in your relationship!

4- Happy Couples Have a Sense of Humor

Happy couples can laugh at themselves and love to make each other laugh. Couples who share a sense of humor can also handle conflict better–they can even make fighting look like fun!

In his book The Relationship Cure, best-selling author John Gottman, Ph.D., teaches us that “It’s not that couples [who have great relationships] don’t get mad or disagree. It’s that when they disagree, they’re able to stay connected and engaged with each other. Rather than becoming defensive and hurtful, they pepper their disputes with flashes of affection, intense interest, and mutual respect.”

Humor can help you keep your emotions in check and stay connected when you handle conflict. Laughter can also relieve stress, elevate your mood, and make you a more resilient couple.

What this good habit looks like:

• Joking about past disagreements without any hard feelings
• Using humor during conflict to show warmth to each other
• Making each other laugh every day
• Having inside jokes
• Laughing at themselves when they make a mistake instead of becoming defensive or shutting down

Note: Humor should not be mean-spirited or used to cover up emotions, avoid conflict, or put down your partner. It’s important to know each other’s sense of humor and have the right intentions. When you make jokes, make sure your partner’s in on it.

5- Happy Couples Serve Each Other

Happy couples are connection-focused, not self-focused. In his book, Authentic Happiness, Martin E.P. Seligman teaches us that “When we are happy, we are less self-focused. Looking out for number one is more characteristic of sadness than of well-being.” Seligman’s studies found that happier people are more likely to serve and give generously.

When I focus too much on my own pursuit of happiness, my vision tunnels and I ignore other’s needs which disconnects me from them. We can be 100x happier when we share our happiness through service. Service deepens connection and increases joy.

What this good habit looks like:

• Asking your partner what you can do to show them love today
• Making meals for each other
• Giving shoulder rubs or back scratches
• Doing housework
• Surprising your partner with a gift or sweet text
• Planning a fun date

True love is real, it’s just different than we expect.

Happy couples love on purpose. They know that real love is intentional. Healthy relationships are born from thoughtfulness and consistency.

Did I miss something?

What daily habits make the biggest difference for your relationship? Let me know in the comments!